‘Mirror, mirror on the wall, once and for all… what is self-love?’

Photo credit: Pinterest


What is it exactly?

I heard the expression many times before and it felt it was used as a way to throw things in my face; a phrase which seemed only to heap more shame upon me for being unable to assert boundaries, stand up for myself or for not “being good enough”.

Hearing the expression ‘self-love’ made me feel less accepting of myself and more loathing of self than ever.

“You don’t love yourself’ they would say

‘You’re right!’ my actions cried helplessly and over time it became a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Seeing these beautiful well put together women laying in a hot bubble bath, relaxing with a herb infused facial mask spread over their already flawless skin served to make me feel more insecure than ever.

But I have learnt that is not self-love.

It’s merely an advert… a cleverly constructed marketing ploy targeted at our inability to accept ourselves whilst teaching us nothing about how to truly love ourselves.

Self-love is:

appreciating and fostering a deep and meaningful relationship with ones’ self through actions which support our continual personal growth, resulting in acceptance of ourselves as a whole being.
Dionne Love

Here are my top ten self-loving actions, which with practice…expands self-love:
1. Choosing YOU, yes YOU
Each and every time.

Self-love is being authentic and walking in our truth irrespective if it upsets others. This practise may feel uncomfortable to begin with but… you come first and besides… you cannot pour from an empty cup.

2. Living for your moments!

Life is short and a personal journey. Self love is ensuring our time is spent well doing all the things we love and enjoy.

3. Expressing our truths

Self-love is stating what we truly think and feel and living in accordance of our beliefs and values.

4. Looking after the vessel which houses our spirits.

Self-love is nurturing your body with the correct nutrition and water, plenty of fresh air ensuring you get plenty of rest and of course exercise.

5. Express yourself!

Dress yourself how you choose and in what makes you feel most comfortable, what says YOU more than being YOU? Create your own trends!

6. Celebrate your wins!

Own all your accomplishments and celebrate them without shrinking yourself because you’re worried about being perceived as being arrogant or made to feel guilty. You worked extremely hard to achieve all you have why not clap for yourself? Well done you!

7. Becoming your own best friend

Self-love is trusting yourself, your abilities and believing in yourself enough to live the life you want, without giving into fear or listening to the opinions of nay-sayers.

8. Knowing when to seek help

Self-love is becoming responsible for our issues and recognising when we may need to reach out to counsellors, mental health workers and/or other health workers for additional support to work through our feelings and ultimately healing our wounds in order to become the very best version of ourselves.

9. Owning your humanness

Self-Love is recognising that “to err is human” we will inevitably make mistakes and rather than berate ourselves it is more useful to be kinder, patient and instead consciously choose to view mistakes as an opportunity to learn and grow from.

“Your job is not to be perfect, your job is only to be human”

Jacqueline Novogratz

10. Accepting every part of you!

Self-love is accepting every single part of us and living our lives authentically, practising self-love is moving in the direction which supports your goals, your hopes, dreams and following through on your decisions.

Trust the process.

Self-love is transformative and undertaking even a few of these actions will put you on course to grasp even more of these actions, positively altering not only the relationship you possess with yourself but also the ones you share with others.

Listen to your inner voice and ensure you are shrouded in a nurturing space, filled with energy which is conducive to the path you wish to walk along.

This list is by no way exhaustive and I would love to continue adding to it, therefore if you have any other tips which may be of benefit to others…. kindly let me know.

Lets change the perception of self-love!

Love and light,



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